(Or at least it will help somewhat?)
Often times, the reason our emotions feel too big for us to handle is because we don't take a moment to simply acknowledge the emotion we are experiencing. Here it comes.
Validate. And Again: Validate
VALIDATE the emotions. Don’t minimize your feeling- allow yourself to realize your overall emotion and be open to whatever it may be, instead of being thoroughly confused and overwhelmed by it.
Think back to the last time you had a mega meltdown of an emotion and try to validate it. How? Well, just follow your checklist. It’s all there. Yup, right down under this sentence. Oh, you’re welcome.
Your validation checklist:
- Pay attention. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you doing?
- NAME IT TO TAME IT. Oh, hello, anger. Nice to see you again.(I’ll pretend its been a while but you and I both know it hasn’t.)
- Remove all judgement-it has no place here. Allow yourself to feel. It’s okay to have feelings, even if you don’t like them.
- Realize that your emotion makes sense. Even if its disproportionately strong, your emotion is there for a reason. Validation does not mean that you agree or approve. It simply means that you understand the emotion and your perspective.
(BTW. yes, you can learn to Validate others too. We’ll get to that later so keep following.)
Next time you notice your emotions rising, PAUSE.
Stop. Think, what am I feeling now? Is it depression? It is rage? Or is it joy?
It seems so simple, because it truly is. Often, the act of identifying the emotion you are feeling can help you feel more in control (which, at times, can mean half of the problem is already solved). So, if its so easy to validate, why is it so… uuuhh….hard?
Because the issue is, in the heat of the emotion, it seems impossible to pause, to be able to name the feeling instead of being consumed by it. It is therefore imperative to practice naming your emotions when you're not experiencing them at their raging finest. Try for times like when you ruin a nail on the way out of the salon or you bake with salt instead of sugar. Or when oops, toilet trained Tommy isn't so toilet trained anymore. Get in the habit of identifying your emotions as you feel them, so that when you need your validation skills to tame your emotions, they will have already become instinctive.
When do you get overwhelmed?
Share your thoughts on validation so others can benefit from your insight!